😎 Mom, Mommy, Mama, or Ma?

This New Yorker cartoon really hit home with me.

You had me at two songs! I guess if you include Heart & Soul, that would make it three songs. Yes, I know my math skills are impressive, 2 +1 = 3 But it's really my piano skills that could fool you into thinking I’m super cool. Like many of you, I took piano lessons when I was little. I hated every second of it and didn't want to practice, but did practice enough to be able to, still to this day, play two songs (well three, with Heart & Soul). As I grew older, my favorite songs always ended up being the piano heavy songs and I spent years annoyed at my folks for letting me quit. Like it was their fault for paying for lessons that I didn't want to take or want to practice, but for some reason, believed they should have forced me to continue.

Now being a parent, and being on the other side, and having offered musical lessons to my kids when they were young, and both my boys said no thanks, and you're sure as shit right, that I wasn't going to force them and burn money so they could fool their friends at parties and play two songs. (definitely just two, Heart & Soul ended with GenX, unless of course it finds its way on a TikTok and makes a comeback)

I just have to laugh at myself now for putting any blame on my parents. How did I drag them into me being a little brat? And today, as I walk past my son’s room, and saw the electric keyboard that we bought him for Christmas, as a teenager, because he suddenly decided he wanted to teach himself how to play…two songs, I went in and sat down, blew off the dust and played my two songs. Then I googled on YouTube, how to play Joni Mitchell’s “River.” Sat there for a good five minutes, got bored and hungry. Went to the kitchen, made myself a sandwich, put on the TV and never thought about it again…

But there’s so much to think about, so let's get into it…

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Useless Thoughts

TRUMP just said, “one of the most important announcements that have been made in many years about a certain subject, as big as it gets” is coming. This disclosure has created anticipation as Trump hinted that it will be a significant development, although he provided zero details. What do we think? Could it be we’re all really getting ten dolls for Christmas instead of just three? All I know is that he said it while sitting next to the new Prime Minister of Canada who looked dumbfounded, just like us. He said the announcement would be made either Thursday, Friday, or Monday, maybe Tuesday, possibly Wednesday? Personally, I think it will be on Never day.

The new Pope was just announced, an American, for the first time in History! Wow! He’ll be known as POPE LEO XIV from Chicago! His old tweets show he’s not a fan of deporting migrants to El Salvador or of MAGA! Phew! But what struck me most is that the Pope tweets! I mean… What a cutie! Is he also on TikTok? Instagram? Snapchat? Do you think he uses YouTube to learn piano?

Speaking of big head pieces, capes and grandeur, the MET GALA happened, and I’d just rather soon forget it. Each outfit was more annoying than the next. Celebs were hidden in boxes, rolled out of their hotels, costumes covered so no one could see their top secret madness until the big reveal on the red carpet. Knock knock! Who’s there? Me not answering, pretending not to be home, because I don’t want to see any of the influencer models nepo baby clown circus nonsense that the Met Gala has turned into. It’s just not impressive like it once was. Now it’s in the same lane as Katy Perry going to space…dumb! Make a right onto Absurd Boulevard, and a quick left at Stupid Street, and after the stop sign you’ll see Ridiculous Lane!

In no-one-asked-for-it news, HILARIA BALDWIN just dropped a new book! She’s claiming ADHD is the reason she goes between Spanish and English! I call bullshit! Or mierda de toro!

I’m so sick of people using mental health diagnosis as their excuse for being awful. Elon is Autistic, so that makes him cruel? Kanye is bipolar which makes him a Nazi. And now Hilaria has ADHD and this makes her a pathological liar?! For the love of gaslighting, just stop!! Going back n forth between languages certainly can be something peeps do, but claiming you’re Spanish and moved to America at 19, when in fact you’re American and raised in Boston Mass, with zero 23andMe, not even 1% Spanish DNA, is just fucking weird and a little sociopathic, don’t you think?

Yay! I’m crazy!

Speaking of blaming your parents for your own shortcomings, do you call your parents Mom and Dad? Or Mommy and Daddy? TRAVIS and JASON KELCE crack me up, on their recent podcast New Heights, (watch here) they were talking about their mother and Travis kept calling her Mommy and Jason kept calling him out for it. When referring to my own parents, I realized I call my Mother, Mom, and my father, Daddy! Our kids call us Mom & Dad. How about you? I think normally I'd raise my eyebrow if I saw a man call his mother Mommy, but for some unknown reason when Travis Kelce does it, I find it adorable? Make it make sense! I can’t! With Mother’s Day coming up on Sunday, I had to include a quote about Moms, or Mommies, or Mamas or Ma (like Rhoda would say)...

If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you to in the beginning.

— Unknown

And Finally…

If you’re looking to be completely entertained from the moment you hit play, you want to laugh out loud and grin from ear to ear, then watch Conan O’Brien honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, on Netflix (watch here) Wow! It was so good! John Mulaney, Adam Sandler, Stephen Colbert, Sarah Silverman, Andy Richter, Nikki Glaser, David Letterman, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog filled the show with brilliant speeches directed at the brilliant Conan O’Brien. Seeing him receive this well-deserved award felt really good. For two hours straight I forgot about everything wrong and sat back and enjoyed everything that is right, funny and was reminded how important it is to truly laugh at yourself and be as silly as possible! Happy Mother’s Day! Have a super silly weekend!

That’s all for now folks!

And sorry you can't unread this!

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I Genuinely Want to Know

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