Turns out I have ADHD. Diagnosed by our new Department of Health, TikTok! I knew it! Iām definitely one of those people who will be in the middle of a chore and from the corner of my eye Iāll see something and completely stop what Iām doing to start up another task. Like the other day, Iām unloading the dishwasher, and as Iām putting the glasses away, I notice that there's a lot of extra jars and stuff I donāt use in the cabinet, so Iāll stop unloading the dishwasher, to unload the cabinet of things I never use. Now I need to find a box to put these unwanted jars in. I have the dishwasher open, the cabinets open, and I just opened the closet door looking for a box. While looking for a box, I notice an old blanket that I always loved, but forgot about, I stop looking for the box and pick up the blanket and bring it down to the laundry room to wash it. While walking up to the washing machine, I see there are empty laundry detergent containers on the table that need to be recycled. I leave the blanket on the table, grab the empty containers, bring them up stairs and outside and throw them in the recycle bin on the curb. Suddenly Iām outside in my pajamas, wearing clogs, standing in the rain and wonderingā¦ how did I get here? Now what? Get into bed of course! Iām overwhelmed, so Iām just gonna get all cozy in my bed and do absolutely nothing but scroll TikTok.
Now scrolling and between diagnoses, gossip, and crazy politics, there's a lot to discuss, let's get into itā¦
Useless Thoughts
Actress CATE BLANCHETT suggested that the Oscars go back to the days when it wasn't televised. With now the lip readers, etc. āIt would be nice if the awards happened behind closed doors and just have a great party where people can just let go.ā To quote Warren Beatty speaking about Madonna from the incredible documentary, Truth or Dare, āShe doesn't want to live off camera, much less talk. Thereās nothing to say off-camera. Why would you say something if it's off camera? What point is there existing?ā Exactly! They want to be seen! Look, if celebs don't want to be photographed or talked about, it's really simple, just don't go where the cameras are. Trust me, the paparazzi are not hiding in Cate Blanchettās bushes trying to catch her taking out her recyclables, so you might want to go to an award show if you want to be seen!!š¤Ŗ
TRUMP looks at other countries like theyāre pussies. Heās just gonna grab āem. While sitting with LAURA INGRAHAM, wait, sorry, excuse me, I need to throw up, give me a second, ugh this happens every time I say Laura Ingrahamās name, I projectile vomit, hang on š¤®, okay! Anyway, so Laura Ingraham, oops sorry, hang on, š¤®. How bout I just say LI when referencing Laura Ingraham, ugh, here it comes, one sec, š¤® OKAY! So, LI was interviewing Trump about Canada and he wouldn't stop saying that he wants it. Shockingly, LI even tried to get him to stop saying it and bring him back to reality, but he kept pushing, and it was then that I realized, countries are just BIG pussies to him, and you grab them! Can you imagine if Obama said grab āem by the pussy? Sit in that thought for a moment. š¤
Speaking of pussies, and Iām not a fan of the word, or saying or writing it, but I need to for this joke, so bear with me...Women are having labia puff surgeries. A cosmetic procedure that involves injecting fillers or fat in the labia majorca to restore volume and a more youthful appearance.š¤Æ Never gonna happen! You know what? Just cheat. Cheat on me with a young labia! Iām good.
Speaking of puffy labias, HILARIA BALDWIN the insufferable mother of Alecās eight future influencers, and all the shit Alecās caused, Iād say heās gotten his karma. He married his Karma, his Karmalita! Have you seen the clip of her cutting him off on the red carpet? (watch here) She claimed thatās just them and their funny banter? Except there was no funny part. Sheās about as funny as a stick youād find in your backyard. Actually, a stick (a palo) has a better personality. So, if youāre worried heās not getting his due, just listen to her for five minutes, and youāll see the pain and suffering, that isn't just showing up on his face, but his entire life! š¤” Which reminds me of a funny quote:
Sweetie Iām not laughing at your bad luck, Iām merely cheering on Karma for doing such a great job of biting you in the assā¦thatās totally different.
Glamour magazine editor STEPHANIE MCNEAL is getting called out for her hit piece on Moms! Blaming the death of #metoo on women defending Justin Baldoni. The irony that she wrote an entire article attacking women and left out the part that these Moms she speaks of have spent the past year pouring over documents, texts, lawsuits, doing the work, looking at the proof and receipts, proving with evidence their conclusions, while excluding any research, proof or receipts, or any research on her own findings?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! I get why she can't write a negative article about Blake. I worked at Glamour Mag for a billion years, and youāre not allowed to write negatively about celebrities, ever. Meaning, every article is just a bunch of bullshit. But what I don't get is why youād come after non celeb women and mock them? For what purpose? If youāre not allowed to play in the game, don't attack the players who are doing the work! And Iāll say it one last time, you can't say, believe all women, and then exclude Marjorie Taylor Green, or Laura Ingraham š¤® and their puffy labiums. Marjorie, Laura, Hilaria & Blake are all pathological psychos! Hereās an idea, stop saying blanket statements like, believe all women, and instead, just believe people with proof and receipts! Enough already! āļø
Speaking of a woman I believe, the more I read about and watch AMANDA SEYFRIED, the more I fall in love with her! She just did a Vogue Mag video speaking all about her skin routine. But this wasn't another blah blah boring I use this, and this and this, blah blah Zzzz!! But instead she spoke about her eczema! I swear to God Amanda and I are the same person! We both have eczema, we both, um, hmm, we both, uhh, umm, can see that sheās a beautiful, young, blonde, rich, musically talented, genius, famous actress. Seriously twins! šÆ
And Finallyā¦
Season finale of Severance! AHHHHHHHH! So excited! I can't believe weāre getting the answers to all our questions. But Iām no dummy and know for every question we get answered there will be fifty more questions thrown at us! Thatās how these shows work! Thatās what makes them so fun! Thatās why a cliffhanger is called a cliffhanger, cause youāre literally hanging off a cliff and thatās exciting and scary and like everything in life, weāre just going to want more more more! And with social media like YouTube and TikTok who keep you engaged in Severance with their endless theories, which just adds to the suspense and confusion. Itās like hanging from a cliff and being tickled. Tickle tickle tickle Ha ha ahhh stop, wait keep going, no stop! No wait, give me more, give me give me give me! Hopefully they're filming season three as Iām writing this. Give me give me give me!!!
Until next time folks!
Sorry you canāt unread this!
I Genuinely Want to Know
I feel diagnosed. š¤¦āāļøš Thanks again for the great read & the laughs!
I do the same thing, except I go to the basement and think āwait, what did I come down here for?ā