😎 Chimps With Grass in Their Butts
What’s everyone talking about? No really. While running errands, I notice folks eating outdoors at restaurants, friends walking with coffee and I think, what’s everyone talking about? Trump? Epstein? What else is there to know about it? Gaza? What else is there to say about it? Tariffs? No way. Meghan Markle’s jam? Who cares? Your kids and what they're up to? So boring and that takes five seconds to explain, so I have to ask, what is it? What y’all yapping about?
Marc Maron quitting his podcast? Not much to say about that, I mean he’s interviewed everyone, there’s no one left. His standup special was fun, but that’s all there is to say about that.
Pam Anderson and Liam Neeson flirting on every talk show? They really are adorable, and I hope they’re a couple, except why is his skin like a grey color? Is he okay?
I guess you could talk about Jennifer Aniston having a new boyfriend, but what is there really to say about it except, that’s nice.
Jamie Lee Curtis is everywhere. Can’t open my phone or turn on my tv without seeing her skinny head, I guess that’s a good thing. I like her and she’s kinda annoying.
I noticed they’re filming the Devil Wears Prada sequel, which I guess people could be talking about, but I can’t imagine what the storyline could be. Magazines are dead? Maybe it’s a horror film. It’s not like the lead character is interesting. Go watch it again. You probably didn't even notice, but Anne Hathaway is not likeable. But you know I’ll totally watch the sequel! Might be a hate watch, but could turn out to be a love watch, we’ll see.
Could be folks are talking about the Billy Madison sequel. Yes, of course, I got stoned and watched. And yes its stupid and silly and fine.
Maybe people are talking about this headline; “Kate Moss Uses a $13k Hermès Kelly as Her Beach Bag?” Yes, she really uses her bag as a bag and uses it for bag purposes, and she doesn't care if it's covered in sand but more importantly how can you take anyone seriously that would spend that kind of money on a bag? It’s like the chimps that are sticking grass in their butts, seemingly as a fashion trend? There's no difference? Both seem equally insane to me.
Maybe peeps are talking about Trump threatening India for buying oil from Russia? Lol just kidding, who would want to talk about that?
Or maybe they’re chatting about former Superman actor Dean Cain saying he’s joining ICE, he wants to deport scared families.
Or it could be the mass shooting of the day by the Fort Stewart soldier, that CNN covered for hours before getting back to their regular scheduled programing talking about Epstein, who is dead. Did Trump and Clinton get blow jobs from underage girls? Probably?! I don't know what more you all want to know. Most of the victims are alive. Ask them. Are they okay? That’s what we all care about right? The victims?
Maybe people are discussing that Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican? Some people seem triggered by this, like it matters what Sydney Sweeney thinks?
Could be they’re discussing The Gilded Age, a show I really want to watch but can't because Cynthia Nixon is on it and no one triggers me more than Cynthia Nixon and her virtue signaling. Her protests?! Waving your arms blaming Jews will not help these innocent children devastated in Gaza from this horrific war, from crazy Netanyahu and evil Hamas, who put all these innocent babies in this situation. Cynthia Nixon & Mamdani, ringleaders with bullhorns who never once call out for Hamas to surrender and care about their people and return the God damn hostages, but instead purposefully ignore the actual real problem, terrorists are in charge of Gaza??? Let’s just all ignore that and continue to spread hate, like a virus, a sickness, which creates division and brings anxiety, depression to society, feeds no one and is the opposite of love and hope. Which reminds me of many quotes from Martin Luther King…
Love is the only force capable of transforming the enemy into friend.
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.
Someone who leads with love, is who I'd like as a leader of humanity and the human race.
And now we have Robert Kennedy Jr. shutting down any future vaccinations just when the hate virus is spreading. Damn!
Maybe the ladies who lunch talk about Bachelor in Paradise and how grateful they are that it's on again, because nothing fills my head with empty space and bubbles filled with air than Bach in Paradise. It’s fantastic, it's like watching a bunch of monkeys with grass in their ass strutting around slinging shit and roses! Heaven!
Other than that, I’m bored, there’s nothing interesting to look at anymore except before-and-after plastic surgeries of celebs. Their eye lifts, choppers, endless nose jobs, chin implants, it's all so fun to see. Social media may have killed movies, but celebrities are still entertaining us with their car crash faces, so fun!
Happy Friday, and let me know in the comments, what are you talking about?!
And sorry you can't unread this!
Everything in this newsletter is intended as satire.
