š Big Beautiful Bills and Junk Drawers
The Knicks lost! Did you watch? I didn't. I can watch ANY sport, especially close to the end of a game, or even better, over time, when itās really exciting, but for some reason, not basketball. Itās just so boring to me! Unless itās One Tree Hill (a soapy teen drama centered around basketball). Meanwhile these guys are probably the most talented athletes, more than any sport and yet Iām bored after five seconds. My son came running downstairs, after watching most of the game upstairs and put the overtime on the T.V. I thought, fun, I can watch the last five minutesā¦ wrong! I literally got up and went into the kitchen and decided now is the perfect time to finally clean out that kitchen drawer. You know the one, āthat junk drawerā thatās filled with everything random that you don't know where to put, so you put it in āthat drawer.ā Staples, loose screws, old birthday cards, check books, string, tape, dog collars, deck of cards, dried out magic markers, paperclips, eyeshadow, rubber bands, broken pencils, screw drivers, lipstick, and really old keys. Do you save old keys, and once you come upon them again, youāre like, what were these for and you have zero clue and just end up throwing them out? Me too!
So yeah, I was that bored watching half a second of basketball that an unimaginable chore felt more intriguing. Make it make sense? I can't. Iād rather watch an entire football game, love hockey, a snoozefest baseball game, even ten minutes of a soccer match, or fencing (just kidding) but seriously, the only basketball I can sit through is a three-pointer shot being thrown as the clock rings and everyoneās watching to see if it goes in and then the whole stand jumps up in excitement. Which is like half a second. So yes, I can watch half a second of basketballā¦ Yay me! My eyes did perk up when they showed the celebs there.. Suddenly Iām interested.
But there were celebs not just at games this week, let's get into it!
Useless Thoughts
Emma Stone, Rihanna, Pedro Pascal, Halle Berry, Joaquin Phoenix, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie, Dakota Johnson, Jennifer Lawrence, and of course a bunch of models strutting the red carpet at Cannes. Huge showing this year. Honestly I think the celebs just wanted to take a break from America. But it was DENZEL WASHINGTON who brought the American spirit to France. Screaming and fighting with photographers on the red carpet, appearing like a crazy fool. Yep, very American! Thanks Denzel for keeping our reputation intact!
Speaking of crazy, did yāall watch Trumpās meeting with SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT CYRIL RAMAPHOSA where he ambushed him with a propaganda filled video with skewed āevidenceā that white farmers are facing genocide in the foreign nation? Ramaphosa insisted the videos were not government policy. Which meansā¦ this wasn't a government thing. So which of our idiot staffers edited and put together this bullshit video? I want to know, because youāre fucking fired! To the network that wants to produce Kristi Noem's gladiator citizenship competition show, I think you just found another hit series, Humiliated in the Oval Office. Four episodes already shot, with Zelenskyš, Ramaphosaš, Netanyahu (U.S. will take over Gaza š¤Æ) and Canadaās Carney (Carney, āCanada is not for sale.ā Trump, āNever say neverāš¤Æ) Kinda like a Curb Your Enthusiasm, with no script, just ad lib chaos. Maybe Trump will finally win that Emmy! Because we all know, ratings are more important than world peace.
While our heads were turned that way watching that stupid video and then swiveled this way to see a horrific shooting of an innocent young couple in love at the Capital Jewish Museum, THE HOUSE passed Trumpās āBig Beautiful Bill,ā which will lower taxes for the filthy rich. So, congratulations to yāall millionaires, the wins keep coming. And to the poor (me) loser status stands as is!
Speaking of Big Beautiful Billā¦BELICHICK (73) just got engaged to his baby girlfriend. He thinks heās clever, saving money, by not having to pay for a full time nurse? Yes 24-hour care is expensive but so are braces, college, keg parties and Brandy Melville. Which reminds me of a quote I just came up withā¦
Sheās marrying you because youāre rich and old and soon youāll be dead and your kids will be forced into litigation with a young twat that wants to go shopping!
ā Me
And Finallyā¦
Sarah Silvermanās new standup special Postmortem just dropped on Netflix. (watch here) I haven't seen it yet, but Iāll definitely check it out. What I did watch was her on Jimmy Kimmel Live promoting the special. Jimmy and Sarah dated for like seven years and seem to have a really comfortable friendship now with her current boyfriend even being a Kimmel Live staff writer. The interview was amazing. Watching their connection and respect was beautiful butā¦but but but if I was Jimmyās wife Molly, who is head writer for the Kimmel show and stands with the audience during the airing of each episode, I would have been soooo jealous. Obviously she doesn't need to be, I mean sheās married to Jimmy, they're in love, they have a family, and Sarahās boyfriend is there too, and they're all good friends and blah blah blah. Stillā¦. I would not be able to control myself from feeling a little crazy inside. The way these two connected on stage, with familiar looks, and the eye contact, and the old stories of when they were a couple would have sent me reeling. I would have played it cool for a hot minute before I burned the whole place down. More proof that Hollywood is just High School, where youāre forced to be around all your exes all the time and āactā like thatās normal. Which I will get into in more detail ā power point level - about so many other celebs in this exact situation for my next newsletterā¦So stay tuned!
Until next time folks!
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend!
And sorry you can't unread this!
I Genuinely Want to Know
The first thing I think whenever I read your mail isā¦ā¦ā¦itās done already???? I always want more!!!! šāš»ā„ļø