Velvet Leggings and The Sexiest Man
They opened a Goodwill near me! Heaven! I LOVE Goodwill! They’re so organized. Everything is color coordinated. I could literally spend hours in there just walking around. You never know what you’re going to find.
Sometimes you find nothing but other times you find a really cool pair of navy velvet J.Crew leggings for $5 dollars, that look like they’ve never been worn. Jackpot! A normal person would have already been wearing them, enjoying them? Not me! I have crazy OCD about laundry detergent (from crazy childhood eczema) and will let nothing touch my skin if it hasn't been washed in All laundry detergent. My Goodwill leggings have been on a chair in my kitchen for the past week just staring at me. Consuming my thoughts. I can't throw them in the hamper, and have them touch my other clothes, (OCD). I can’t wash them with other clothes, the mixing of the water, (OCD) I can’t wash them by themselves, that’s such a waste of water. I could wash them with my Quilt? Ha! That was a joke!I would never! (OCD) I got it! The dirty dog towels!! Perfect! But wait, they're velvet, the towel lint will shed all over them, making it impossible to get off. Forget it! Too much pressure. So…I threw them out. Ta-da! Problem solved. 🗑️
Besides my velvet leggings, what else is everyone talking about….
Useless Thoughts
I lied. Oops! I said I was going to get off the news. But rubbernecking is just too tempting. Especially with someone as polarizing as Trump. But I promise to come at it from a humorous point of view (per usual) so we don't all get depressed, but instead laugh at the absurd, like the clown car that just pulled up to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and out poured KRISTI NOEM, PETE HEGSETH, TULSI GABBARD, MARCO RUBIO, RFK JR, and MATT GAETZ, with their big red shoes, squeaky red noses and freaky eyebrows. What’s next? Here’s a list of names I’m hearing for other positions;
Director of the Office of Science and Technology; Marjorie Taylor Green. Phew, finally we'll get to the bottom of the space lasers and purge the democrats controlling the weather.
Press Secretary; Lindsay Graham, because he’s just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
Department of People You want to Punch in the Face; Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, and Mitch McConnell
Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency; Kid Rock protecting us from gay beer!
Administrator of the Small Business Administration; Plankton (from SpongeBob). But he’s a cartoon and not a real person? Yeah and what’s your point?
PAUL SIMON and ART GARFUNKEL had a tearful reunion. They stopped speaking a billion years ago and finally hooked up recently to clear the air and makeup. Have you ever broken up with a best friend? I have. It’s excruciatingly painful. Similar to a boyfriend, except for me, I’m much stronger breaking up with a woman. I can walk away and never look back, no matter how painful. As opposed to a guy. Won't let them go. Bang down thier door. Force them to see me, hear me, crisscross every boundary and then burn their house down, just to make sure any reconciliation is off the table and sabotage my life! I am, after all, a perfectionist. Including self-sabotage!
Read about it here
Which reminds me of a quote from the song “And So It Goes,” by the genius Billy Joel…
❝
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
- Billy Joel
Apparently MELANIA will not be moving into the White House with Trump. Not surprised since we now know he’s the farting king and because, you know, he’s him. She’s going to stay in NYC near Barron. Doubt she’ll redesign the rose garden again or reupholster the furniture. No huge overhaul of the living space as most First Ladies have done in the past. I bet she comes to the White House in January, sprinkles some throw pillows, and says, Done! I’m outta here! Peace.✌️
JOHN KRASINSKI named People Magazine’s sexiest man alive?! Hunh? How? Why? That’s like saying Emily Blunt is the sexiest woman alive. Sure she’s sexy, but out of everyone alive? I don't know! John Krasisnki doesn't even make it on my list of people just alive? So random. A list of the best TV couples of all time, yes he’s on that one. Clearly he just won the electoral vote and not the popular one.🤪
Speaking of sexiest man alive and how random John’s pick was, I’ve put together my own list. They want to do random, I’ll give you random…
1970s James Taylor….Swoon!! Sweet baby James, watch here
1980s Tom Hanks…. Think Bosom Buddies, Splash, Bachelor Party, be funny and get on top of me!
Ryan O’Neal… I get it, he’s dead, but Love Story Ryan! And What’s up Doc Ryan is sexier than alive Ryan Gosling. Seriously!
Ryan Gosling…. I mean I'm not crazy, clearly he still deserves to be on the list. Funny, sexy and a good dancer!
Jude Law… from the Talented Mr. Ripley and The Holiday, only.
Jack Schlossberg… Caroline Kennedy’s adorable son. Reminds me of his Uncle JFK jr. but much sillier, relatable and absolutely precious.
1979 Steve Martin… When The Jerk came out, I legit fell in love. You had me at “I’m picking out a thermos for you”
1990s Denzel Washington… the sexy tough guy who will scoop you up in his arms and save you! Save me!!
Hugh Grant…as Daniel Cleaver in Bridget Jones Diary. The funny obnoxious guy you drunk dial!
Steve McQueen… yep another dead guy, but maybe my favorite favorite favorite! Not just super sexy, but also super fucked up! I can fix him!
And Finally…
Season 2 of Bad Sisters has arrived! Yay! I was obsessed with Bad Sisters. Love all the actresses and even “The Prick.” Although I felt it was a great one-and-done and does not need a season 2, I’ll happily accept seconds. I’m hungry for fun. Fill my plate!
Watch Bad Sisters Season 2
And guys just a quick reminder again how soothing and predictable and necessary the Hallmark and Netflix Holiday comfort films have become for me, and I want this for you! After watching, you feel as though you just meditated or did yoga or took a hot sauna and got a massage. We need to turn our brains off, and this is a great way to do that!
You can watch Hallmark Holiday Movies here:
And Netflix has its own holiday movies:
I’m serious. Legitimately you don’t need your brain to watch these shows. Yay!
But if you’re feeling like you want to Bro out and give into the crazy right now, you can watch The Mike Tyson/JakePaul fight tonight on Netflix.
Watch the fight on Netflix
Until next time folks! Check out my new post on Instagram later today and please send my newsletter to all your peeps and tell them to follow!
And…Sorry you can’t unread this! 🤪
