That's Amore

Hellllooooo!

🎶 When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore….

This song plays on repeat in my mind while looking at all the pics of the celebs at the Venice Film Festival. It was fun seeing the old timers, the biggest stars ever like Brad Pitt and George Clooney who brought the feelings back of old Hollywood glamour fascino! The excitement, the red carpet, the flashing cameras, tuxedos and gowns. This used to be our only peek at them before social media and Instagram took over and burst the fame bubble.

The pictures were splattered on every feed. And then I left a comment on a post of Brad Pitt and his new girlfriend Ines de Ramon. I wrote, “Wow, she looks just like Amy Winehouse” People were incensed! Triggered! The responses to my comments read like, “No she doesn't, she’s pretty” or “that's mean to say” Excuse me? How is that mean? I literally can’t look at anyone without finding their doppelganger in my head. I never said she was ugly, that’s on you for thinking that way. I would never call anyone on the planet ugly (except Steve Bannon) out loud, ever. I’m just saying they look alike. For example, when I’d say Blue Ivy looks exactly like JayZ and folks would scream, you’re awful? I’m awful... by saying she looks just like her Dad? I can’t control your own narrative in your head that thinks Amy Winehouse or Jay Z’s kid aren’t good looking enough, again, that’s on you. Own it and leave my observations as they just are, observations.

Twinsies!

I have some other useless observations too, let’s go!

Useless Thoughts

SHOWMANCE CONTRACT leaked and went viral of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s media planned break up! But it was all fake. Turns out it was some student’s assignment for school. Bahahahaha! What school is this that has such fun projects? And this might be the first and only paper in history that a teacher looked forward to reading and grading. What is a showmance contract anyway? It actually is a thing. Celebs who need a blast of PR become a couple. Two are better than one. So put two celebs together, pretend they’re hot and heavy and suddenly everyone is interested in them. Makes sense, I mean it is Hollywood after all. Nothing is real. They film in fake houses, make fake rain, have fake sex, and now fake love. Funny that it’s just a kid’s paper, I thought for sure Blake Lively had Ryan write it to take the heat off of her! 😝

ANNA WINTOUR called out Naomi Campbell for being late to Fashion Row’s Fashion Show and Style Awards in Harlem. Imagine being yelled at when you’re getting an award? Naomi said she wasn't late, but that Anna changed the time of the event so she could go to the US open. Really? How could that be? How could you be at two places at once, it's impossi…

And there she is… at two places at once, looking equally miserable. Well done Devil.👿

KATY PERRY gives blowjobs for clean dishes. What? I didn't say it, she did. That’s how she rewards Orlando Bloom when he cleans up the house. Exhausting. Has she ever thought about hiring a cleaning person, that she could pay…with money? Just a thought. Or hire a prostitute to clean and blow?🍆

HUNTER BIDEN…annnnnd I don't care. If he’s guilty, lock him up. If not, let him go. Don’t Care. Any and all Hunter Biden headlines bore me. His face bores me. Don’t care! 😴

Who I do suddenly care about is animal advocate JOAQUIN PHOENIX, whoa! Hello Silver fox! His press junkets with Gaga… He went from kinda odd to #getontopofme lets save all the animals of the world together, naked. 🥰 

Which reminds me of a quote I love about guys and dogs.…

❝

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s

- MARK TWAIN

DEMI MOORE on the cover of Variety looking stunning! Insane how good she looks. Obviously, we all know she’s had a shit ton of plastic surgery, but it’s working! She looks amazing! I too wish I could do whatever the f*ck she’s done! If I had her money, by now, I’d have had a nose job, face lift, eye lift, neck lift, jowl frickin lift, breast reduction, breast lift, liposuction, and gotten some new choppers. But honestly, it's not the money, it's that I’m chicken shit. The thought of even one mistake, one oops, one accidental uh oh, keeps me looking like the old mop that I am. I could clean Katy Perry’s kitchen floor with my face. #blowme 🤡 

The Late Night Talk Show Hosts Are Back from Their Summer Break

I love a great monologue! I love late night content. I don't care much about the celeb interview part, they’re all basically the same, but some are better at it than others. Check out my list of who to watch and why…

Jimmy Kimmel; The king, my king. Best monologue in all of late night, hands down, zero competition. Funny and educational. He has a way of mixing insane news, Trump’s quotes, Trump’s actions, and instead of wanting to throw myself off a building, I laugh! Phew! Thanks for keeping me alive Jimmy! He’s the best at celeb interviews, he treats the guests like they're just regular people (because they are) and will go off script to try and pull out the realness in them! It doesn't matter who the guest is, the interviews are always interesting and enjoyable.

Watch Jimmy Kimmel clips on YouTube

Jimmy Fallon; His monologue is light. Like a sweetener substitute, a Diet coke or Bud light. He never goes deep. Always keeps it on the surface. His celeb interviews are kind of fake and predictable. He almost seems uncomfortable in his own skin. I can't figure him out? Who is he really? But his bits, musical talent, singing, and most of all, his impressions are off the charts! Genius! He personally is insanely talented.

Stephen Colbert; Love him! He’s a sweetie. His monologues and expressions are very Broadway, jazz hands, silly!. His interviews are random, interesting and awkward. He’ll ask that question you’re not supposed to ask and doesn’t mind the uncomfortable reaction from the guest or the audience. And he has the best musical guests, bands ever!

Seth Meyers; Honestly I don't watch his monologue. Does he do a monologue? I don't know. I don't watch his interviews either. I watch his news updates, similar to when he did Weekend Update on SNL. They’re always perfect, right on the money, and all you need to see!

John Oliver; No! I can’t. I can't watch him. I can’t listen to him. I don't get it. I’m sure he's a really nice guy but I don't get it! I don't understand how he has won a single Emmy for best talk show, let alone all of them, every year. I don't get it. I’m sorry. Forgive me but I find him unwatchable. Literal nails on a chalkboard!

And finally…

The new television shows, series are finally starting to drop. The second episode of Only Murders in the Building… moved me. I know, but it did. Steve Martin and Jane Lynch’s chemistry is beautiful. I love them together. I hope this show wins all the Emmys (which are on a week from Sunday, can't wait to discuss). Also out now is Nicole Kidman’s The Perfect Couple. Saving to watch this weekend. I don't want to rush it. I want to be able to give you a thoughtful review. Can't Wait!🙏 

Until next time folks! Check out my new post on Instagram later today. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on the newsletter!

And…Sorry you can’t unread this! 🤪

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