Snubbed
Hellllooooooooo!
Sorry if this letter is wet. It's just my tears dripping down from dropping off my boys at college. I hugged my baby so tight, grabbing on to him. He tried to break away but I held on, stuck to him. He continued to walk with me latched on, dragging me, still attached. He slowly peeled my body parts off of him, he looked at me and said, “Love you Mom” Whoa! Thought this time would be different, I mean I did it last year, and just assumed the second time would be much easier. I was fine in the car. The drive home was really going well until we quickly made one last stop at the grocery store, and when I walked in, I was immediately greeted by shelves of Doritos. I broke down right there. Drying my tears with a Nacho cheese Doritos bag (and tossed the Cool Ranch in my cart, yumm!). Each aisle was a reminder that it was just me and my husband now. I slowly passed and longingly looked at the cans of SpaghettiOs, the boxes of mac n cheese.🥲 Don't even get me started about the drinks aisle, Gatorade, Vitamin Water, Snapple. it was like a minefield, no matter which way I looked.😭 Finally I got myself together and got out of there and headed home. Walked into my house and first thing I see, my son’s dirty towel hanging over the kitchen chair. Ouch! It hurt. It hurts, it really does. I tried to imagine what would a normal person do now? A really good Mom, what would she do? Then thought what would Snoop Dogg do, and did that instead. I lit a joint right then and there in the middle of the kitchen, which was kinda fun and rebellious and put the TV on and soothed my soul with fighting crazies on the Real Housewives of Orange County. Exhale! 🚬
As hard as it was for me to see my son’s stinky towel, I can only imagine what it’s like for JLO to see Ben’s endless Dunkin’ Donuts cups sprinkled throughout the house. But I can’t talk about them anymore. They killed love and I’ll never forgive them. What can I talk about? Let's see…
Useless Thoughts
Megyn Kelly said Kaitlan Collins is boring with no personality. Good! I don’t want news anchors, journalists who are giving me important Information to have some kooky passionate personality. Give me the facts, so I can move on with my day. I don’t need a clown delivering my news. I’m not a baby.🤡 Maybe she’s fun as hell in private, but I never ever ever ever need to know. Just sit like a statue and read the news, give it to me straight.
There are so many people with bad personalities. I remember there was this girl in college, who was in my little friend group. She was gorgeous, the guys loved her. She had long blonde hair, a real natural surfer girl beachy beauty. She wasn’t super smart and she wasn’t super dumb, she wasn't funny, she was just nothing. Forever I felt she was mad at me or didn't like me. I just couldn't connect with her? I didn't understand why and assumed it was me. I took it personally, like there was something wrong with me, and then I realized, wait a minute, it’s not me at all, it’s her. She’s just a dud with a bad personality. And that’s okay. Duds come in many forms; some are boring, some are obnoxious, some have zero sense of humor and can’t recognize sarcasm, and some are all of the above like Blake Lively. To be fair I’ve never seen her in anything. Gossip Girl nope, the Traveling Pants nope. I only knew her from photographs. Glamorous photographs. (yes duds can be beautiful and rich too) Since the whole mean girl interview was released, endless interviews of her over the years have filled my insta search feed. And by the way, enough with the annoying algorithm. You know who’s a dud and needs to detect sarcasm? Algorithms. Just because I like one random post about French Fries doesn’t mean I now need every recipe for homemade fries filling my feed. It’s never gonna happen. I’m never making them and now I have to spend the rest of my day hitting likes on more random shit to retrain my algorithm. It’s like we’re dating and it's exhausting. How do you break up with your algorithm? Ayone? Anyway, so now my special someone, my algorithm is showing me a billion Blake interviews and that’s when it occurred to me, Blake’s just a dud. She’s not funny, she’s kinda obnoxious, her ramblings are boring and she never makes or gets to a point, and the over-the-top floral outfits, her huge earrings and gigantic rings on each one of her fingers just makes her look like a glutton. But that’s okay. I don’t have to live with her. (Thankfully! No seriously, I think I’d have to cut my ears off.) Duds they’re just like us.. they pump gas, they take out the trash…🤪
TRAVIS BOUGHT AN ENGAGEMENT RING!
Or at least that’s what Inside NFL Adam Schefter implied. When host Laura Rutledge announced that “Travis Kelce made a big purchase recently, no, not an engagement ring, a racehorse!” Schefter followed up with, “Wait, I have a question Laura… How do you know Travis didn't buy an engagement ring?” When the stunned panel asked him follow up questions, he was suddenly silent. Which means…TRAVIS BOUGHT AN ENGAGEMENT RING! Woohoo! The king and the queen of the prom are getting married! So excited for them! Just do yourselves a favor and don't let Blake Lively give a bridesmaid speech at the wedding. 🙉
TRUMP TWEETS
Every POTUS has famous quotes attached to them;
FDR “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
ROOSEVELT “Believe you can and you’re halfway there”
EISENHOWER “Accomplishment will prove to be a journey, not a destination”
JFK “Ask not what your country can do for you- ask what you can do for your country”
W “I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon!”
And then there’s TRUMP who just posted this meme…
How demure of him! Talk about duds?!!!
You know who is the exact opposite of a dud, Obama! Full of hope. Which reminds me of this quote by him….
❝
Hope! Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope! In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us. A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead.
- BARACK OBAMA
JOHN STAMOS IS ANNOYINGLY AMAZING!
Uncle Jesse revealed he was kicked out of Scientology for being annoying! AMAZING! He might have just solved a lot of problems for people with this little anecdote. Be annoying. You want to get out of something, just be annoying. You have a fear of saying no, letting someone down? Just be annoying. Folks won’t want to bother with you. I totally get him. I’m so annoying too. I’m not a dud, but I am annoying. Like when Kamala’s little sister Maya spoke at the DNC, later that night I called my sister and was like, oh my God they’re so responsible and thorough. Can you imagine if that was us, and I had to get up there and talk about our childhood and be mature?! Impossible! Literally impossible. My nervous laughing fit would’ve been so annoying they’d have had to shut the whole place down as I booped Tim Walz’s nose.
NIKKI ROASTER GLASER
Nikki Glaser was just named as the new host of the Golden Globes. Yay! She will kill it, or kill the audience with her truth bombs. Can't wait for her almost-punchable-in-the-face monologue jokes! And speaking of the Golden Globes…
Snubbed!
Sometimes the Golden Globes, the Oscars, the Emmys get it right! But sometimes they get it so wrong and the best performer of the year walks out empty handed. Below is a list of some of the greatest underrated under awarded performances ever by dudes (not duds)…
Let's go!
Ted Knight, Cadddyshack While the entire cast is brilliant, most people spoke all about Rodney Dangerfield, when the real award winning performance was portrayed by Ted Knight as Judge Smails. Hard to tell if he was even acting, he seemed so exasperated, frustrated! A true legend! His lines and expressions hold huge real estate in my brain, like a 30 year fixed rate mortgage!
Eddie Murphy, Bowfinger Literal Oscar worthy performance. He didn’t just play typical Eddie as Kit Ramsey, he also played Kit’s brother Jiff Ramsey. The two couldn't have been more different but equally brilliant. Every time I watch Bowfinger, I think to myself and scream out loud, how did he not win an Oscar?!!!! Pure Genius!
Bryan Cranston, Malcolm in the Middle Wait for it… I’ve never seen Breaking Bad. So I only know Bryan Cranston as the comedic genius Hal. Malcolm in the Middle might be the most underrated sitcom of all time. While Kelsey Grammar was winning every Emmy/Golden Globe for Frasier (still don't get it), Bryan was being snubbed, big time! He’s so good, we almost don't deserve him!
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook At least the academy got it right nominating Bradley, but they got it so very wrong by giving the Oscar to Daniel Day Lewis for Lincoln. We all know Daniel Day Lewis is the greatest actor, but he didn't deserve to win over Bradley. I mean who knows how good his Lincoln was? Did you know Lincoln and his boring statue-like mannerisms? I don't, but I know tons of people like Bradley’s character Pat. Many people, even me, who have been this 🤏 close to stepping over the invisible line from normal to losing your mind, being obsessed, scared, feeling out of control, being out of control. He was so real, truly amazing! Blew my mind. The whole cast, Deniro (might be my favorite performance by him ever) Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Tucker and Jacki Weaver (who played the mom and deserves to be on my future ladies list). All so good!
Matt Dillon, There’s Something About Mary Another cast filled with insane talent, and performances. But it’s Matt Dillon’s character Pat Healy that keeps me coming back for more. His utter inappropriate hysterical cancelable lines have me rolling! Any other person playing that part, I just don’t think would have been nearly as random, or as funny. You never know which way he’s going to go with his take on the character, but always made the right choice. I love him so much! He is so friggin funny and he needs to stop depriving us of his comedic “choppers” and star in some more comedies!!
Watch There’s Something About Mary
And finally…
The first episode of the fourth season of Only Murders in the Building just dropped on Hulu!
And it did not disappoint! Can't go wrong with Steve, Selena and Martin. They are so great together. I love the way they include so many random celebs on this show. Eva Longoria is a sand out. She’s funny. Who knew? And Molly Shannon is on this season. She adds so much to everything she’s part of. She’s like an everything bagel. So much flavor, so much deliciousness. But it’s just the beginning. Can't wait to see where it’s all heading. There will be so much to discuss once it really gets going! In the meanwhile, if you haven't watched Seasons 1-3 yet, first of all you’re so lucky and I’m so jealous because it's all new to you, and once you start, you’ll be laughing! Promise!
Watch Only Murders in the Building
Until next time folks! Check out my new post on Instagram later today. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on the newsletter!
And… Sorry you can’t unread this! 🤪
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