Schitts & Giggles
Helloooooo!
The Emmy awards are on Sunday night! Woohoo! A gift to my brain. A night off from thinking. A stress and worry free night that requires zero brain cells.
Hey brain, I have a present for youuuu. But you can’t open it up until Sunday night. No peeking, just trust me brain, you’re going to be so happy to do literally nothing but be in the present moment.
Eugene Levy and Dan Levy are hosting the Emmys, but you’d never know. The commercials for the awards don’t show them, or name them? It’s as if they think the world is sick of the Levys? Maybe? But not the Rose family! That’s who should be hosting the show, the entire Schitt's Creek cast.. in character! Give us Eugene & Dan, but also give us Annie Murphy and the queen Catherine O'Hara! Can you imagine Moira Rose presenting?! Comedy gold! And if they really leaned in, for the full three hours, committed to the bit, it would be the best Emmys in history. Alexis and David…I mean, I’d die. We all would. We’d all be dead.
But we’re alive and there's so much more to discuss, let's go!
Useless Thoughts
KAMALA CLEARLY WON THE DEBATE. Let's be honest she won before she even stepped on stage, because she’s a human being with a soul, while the other is a lying sack of shit! I disagree though that Trump is some genius mastermind manipulator. He’s actually a pretty simple psycho. He has just two thoughts. Deny and lie…that’s it. If you don’t believe me, google everything he said during Tuesday’s debate. None of it was true. But that’s up to you to do the research. Like Taylor Swift said, she did her research. There are real facts and truths out there and you can find them easily. And no, Haitian Migrants are not eating dogs and cats, but Robert Kennedy Jr is! Bears for breakfast, whale heads for lunch and Snoopy for dinner! #goodgrief 😬
🎶 THERE GOES MY HERO, watch him as he goes…and gets a groupie pregnant. So disappointing. Obviously we all know that rock stars are serial cheaters, you’d just think Dave Grohl would have the decency to put on a f*cking rubber! Not only to NOT get some young girl pregnant but to NOT catch a disease and then spread it to his wife!. A one-two punch! I’m having a baby annnnnd I just gave you herpes! I don't know how anyone not famous could tolerate being married to a celebrity. Exhausting!
Did they have an open marriage? I have no idea! But I bet his wife, the mother of his three girls, kept his home life in order. Got the girls to school, fed, homework, playdates, all of it. Three daughters?! The lonely nights his wife probably spent feeling exhausted, like a single mom just waiting for him to finally come home….and now, with a new baby! What a dumbass! #ewdavid 🤮
Speaking of OPEN MARRIAGES… Dax Shephard just shut down rumors that he and Kristen Bell are swingers. Do I believe him? I don't know? What I do know is that I don't care. I don't ever ever ever ever ever ever think about Dax & Kristen’s sex life, ever!! All I want is for her to build a snowman, period full stop! ⛄
Is JLO buying a 30,000-square- foot estate? What’s with these huge houses? She has two kids. Besides their rooms, her room, the kitchen and den, what do these celebs do with the other 29,000 square feet? It just seems so odd to me to have so many unused rooms just sitting there all quiet, big and empty? And scary! While her kids are sleeping, is she walking around 30,000 feet of unused rooms filled with unused furniture, yelling; “Hello”...echo echo echo! So much dusting must be involved. Dust build up is real. I dust all the time. Controlling my allergies is like a full time job. You might be surprised to know that my sarcastic loud mouth is attached to a fragile lil body, allergic to everything on the friggin planet. Look at me, I’m just a delicate little flower. Flower? Ahhhchoo! Clearly she has a huge staff. Maybe that’s who’s living in the 29,000 extra square feet, the dust team. 🧹
Which reminds me of a famous quote by Jane Austen…
❝
There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
- JANE AUSTEN
Jane, we totally would’ve been besties. Never want to leave my house. Dust and all.
THE PERFECT COUPLE’s intro… is the winner for best intro to a show ever! I don't know about you, but when I’m watching a series, the first thing I do is skip the intro. In fact if I cant get to the remote to click the “skip intro” fast enough…forget it, I’ll just go to bed. It's not worth sitting through, ever, until The Perfect Couple’s dancing intro entered my life. I looked forward to it, rewatched it a billion times and just think it’s so damn genius and fun! Now for the review and don't worry, no spoilers! The cast was great. Best performance by Dakota Fanning, who I’ve never seen in anything until this, and was happily surprised by her obnoxious performance! Well done! Nicole Kidman is always good! Always magical and Liev Schriber was perfect casting with his total laid back vibe. The script was fine. It kept you guessing who did it, but honestly nothing special. Not even close to the White Lotus scripts which I believe they were going for here, but you just can’t compare. With White Lotus the characters are as important as the entire script, maybe even more. Didn't matter how the story was moving, what happened, who did what? You watched White Lotus to just hear their thoughts and watch them breathe. The Perfect Couple could be any of the many murder dramas set in a beautiful rich upscale environment that you’ve seen before. I watched last weekend. Broke it up over three days and by each morning forgot about it. Never stuck, but was happy when I remembered in the evening that I was watching it, and grateful I had something new to see. And again the intro…award winning! 🕺💃
A Lifetime of Best Runners-Up to Best Intro of a TV Show
The Brady Bunch… I mean, come on, so good! Admit it, you know every word.
ALL in the Family… Archie & Edith singing feels like home.
Rhoda… This one is personal, the visuals changed my life, and led me to my career and obsession with photos, art and collages.
Twilight Zone… made you think and also fear the unknown. Whenever the Twilight Zone is on, I watch. It brings me back to my childhood brain when I still believed anything was possible.
Honorable mentions in no particular order…Cheers, Golden Girls, Mary Tyler Moore, Hill St Blues, The Sopranos, Married With Children, That 70s Show, Fresh Prince, Green Acres, The Real World, Three’s Company, Sex And the City, Curb Your Enthusiasm, One Tree Hill, Mad Men, Dick van Dyke Show, That Girl, I Dream of Jeannie, Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Addams Family, Mash, and Hawaii Five O.
And finally…
Besides the Emmys there are some new shows and a movie to stream this weekend that I’m definitely going to check out.
Three Women Based on the acclaimed novel by Lisa Taddeo. Writer Gia convinces three women to tell her their stories; entrepreneur Sloane, homemaker Lina and student Maggie are on a crash course to radically overturn their lives. (Shailene Woodley, Betty Gilpin, DeWonda Wise, Gabrielle Creevy) Big Little Lies copycat? Yes please! I’ll take it![STARZ] more info
How To Die Alone About a broke JFK airport employee who has never experienced love. A near-death accident inspires her to dream and live life again. Love a Groundhog theme! [HULU] more info
In Vogue: The 90s The definitive story of the fashion industry in the 90s — Hollywood, Grunge, The Met Gala — through the eyes of Vogue editors. Excited for this one, it's going to be so delicious and nauseating!! I’ll be throwing my Doritos at the TV, hoping they stick in fancy pants’s forever boring bowl haircut and sunglasses. [HULU] more info
Uglies In a futuristic dystopia with enforced beauty standards, a teen awaiting mandatory cosmetic surgery embarks on a journey to find her missing friend. Sounds very Twilight Zone and that’s good enough for me! (Joey King, Jillian Murray, Chase Stokes, Laverne Cox) [NETFLIX] more info
Until next time folks! Check out my new post on Instagram later today and leave a comment and let me know your favorite TV intro!
And…Sorry you can’t unread this! 🤪
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